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TOKYO—Acknowledging its embarrassment over worldwide outbreaks of violent, uncontrolled regurgitation, the Japanese government apologized Wednesday to the millions of viewers who have been sickened over the past three decades by the revolting depravity of the nation's pornographic exports. The response came after leaders of the world's 20 largest economies signed an accord threatening sanctions against Japan if international distribution of the nauseating materials did not immediately cease. Please know that the content was only intended to entertain and arouse. Sources inside the Ministry of Cultural Affairs said Nakai, shocked by the recent development, is seeking to recall many of the products, including an estimated 27 million copies of select bukkake splash , gokkun gulp , and tamakeri testicle-kicking videos. The proposed new measures include a 50 percent reduction in live-eel anal insertions, and a requirement that portrayals of group sex involving seven or more individuals feature at least four human participants. Also under consideration is a zero-tolerance policy covering all "prurient uses" of colostomy bags.
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